第十二章（第9/15页）

他草草收场，趴在她的身上动弹不得，完全陷入沉默之中。两人彼此疏离，虽然近在眼前，但却好似远在天边，超越她的意识所能感知的疆域。她那颗敏感的心已经开始垂泪。她能感觉到他的热情如潮汐般退去，消逝，只剩她独自一人，好像海岸上孤寂的礁石。他正在退却，他的心已经渐渐远离。他自己也清楚这一点。

And in real grief, tormented by her own double consciousness and reaction, she began to weep. He took no notice, or did not even know. The storm of weeping swelled and shook her, and shook him.

被自己的双重意识和反应折磨得痛苦不堪，她开始抽泣起来。他视而不见，甚至根本没有发觉。哭泣的暴风雨愈演愈烈，摇撼着她，也震颤着他。

"Ay!" he said.

“是呀！”他感叹着。

"It was no good that time. You wasn't there.” So he knew! Her sobs became violent.

“这回不爽。你还没到高潮呢。”原来他根本心知肚明！她哭得更厉害了。

"But what's amiss?" he said.

“出了什么问题？”他问。

"It's once in a while that way.” "I...I can't love you," she sobbed, suddenly feeling her heart breaking.

“有时候的确会这样。”“我……我没法爱上你。”她呜咽着，感觉自己的心仿佛瞬间碎裂。

"Canna ter? Well, dunna fret! There's no law says as tha's got to. Ta'e it for what it is.” He still lay with his hand on her breast. But she had drawn both her hands from him.

“是吗？唉，那就甭爱了！何必这样呢。顺其自然就好。”他仍旧躺在那里，手也没有离开她的乳房。可她早已将搂着他的双手抽回。

His words were small comfort. She sobbed aloud.

他的话并未带来多少慰藉。她嚎啕大哭。

"Nay, nay!" He said. "Ta'e the thick wi'th'thin. This wor a bit o'thin for once.” She wept bitterly, sobbing. "But I want to love you, and I can't. It only seems horrid.” He laughed a little, half bitter, half amused.

“别价，别价！”他说。“人生在世，就要遍尝酸甜苦辣。这次不过有点苦而已。”她伤心垂泪，呜咽声声。“可我很想爱你，却就是做不到。这简直太糟糕了。”他微笑着，既感到心酸，又觉得好玩。

"It isna horrid," he said, "even if tha thinks it is. An'tha canna ma'e it horrid. Dunna fret thysen about lovin'me. Tha'lt niver force thysen to 't. There's sure to be a bad nut in a basketful. Tha mun ta'e th'rough wi'th'smooth.” He took his hand away from her breast, not touching her. And now she was untouched she took an almost perverse satisfaction in it. She hated the dialect: the RHEE and the THA and the THYSEN. He could get up if he liked, and stand there, above her, buttoning down those absurd corduroy breeches, straight in front of her. After all, Michaelis had had the decency to turn away. This man was so assured in himself he didn't know what a clown other people found him, a half-bred fellow.

“没啥糟糕的，”他说，“就算恁这么寻思。也算不上糟糕。爱不爱俺都无所谓。千万别勉强自己。一篮坚果，有个把坏的再正常不过。无论好坏，咱都得接受。”他把手从她的乳房上移开，不再爱抚她。抚摸停止后，她反倒体验到某种异样的满足感。她反感他说土话，什么“俺”、“恁”、“咱”的。只要他乐意，就会大咧咧地站在她身旁，穿那条丑陋的绒裤，毫无回避的想法。就算是米凯利斯，也还懂些廉耻，知道要背过身去。这家伙却自信满满，全然不知别人会认为他粗陋鲁莽，没有教养。

Yet, as he was drawing away, to rise silently and leave her, she clung to him in terror.

然而，当他无语抽身站起，要离她而去，她却心生骇惧，紧紧抱住他不放。