第十七章（第3/21页）

而在巴黎，她总算还能体验到些许官能的愉悦。但那种纸醉金迷却让人筋疲力竭，兴味索然。心神交瘁的原因，在于缺少温情的抚慰。噢！巴黎充满哀怨。可算世间最感伤的都市：厌倦了如今毫无感情机械式的欲望，厌倦了对金钱和财富的渴望，甚至厌倦了怨恨和自负的情绪，厌倦至死，却仍无法企及美国或伦敦那样的超然，能用歌舞升平的虚华景象将厌倦掩饰得不露痕迹。啊，这些自以为是的大丈夫，游手好闲的浪荡公子，轻佻浮夸的好色之徒，好吃懒做的寄生虫！他们如此疲倦！因为得不到半点温情，也没有半点温情可给予，他们只得力敝筋疲地透支着自己的生命。那些精明能干、有时娇媚动人的女性对性欲的真相略知一二，在这方面，她们比那些只知纵情歌舞的英国女同胞稍胜一筹。但对于温情，她们知之更少。冷若冰霜，无穷无尽的冷漠意志，她们同样透支着自己的生命。人类世界正慢慢被榨干。或许它将变得极具毁灭性。陷入某种无政府主义的状态里。克利福德和他那谨小慎微的无政府主义！或许也不再会被界定为保守。而将进化成为极端激进的类型。

Connie found herself shrinking and afraid of the world. Sometimes she was happy for a little while in the Boulevards or in the Bois or the Luxembourg Gardens. But already Paris was full of Americans and English, strange Americans in the oddest uniforms, and the usual dreary English that are so hopeless abroad.

康妮感觉自己正步步退缩，对这世界充满恐惧。漫步林荫大道，畅游茂密的丛林或者卢森堡公园，康妮有时能够体验到片刻的欢愉。可如今的巴黎充斥着美国人和英国人，前者总是奇装异服，怪模怪样，而后者则一贯表情阴郁，出国旅行更是紧张兮兮。

She was glad to drive on. It was suddenly hot weather, so Hilda was going through Switzerland and over the Brenner, then through the Dolomites down to Venice. Hilda loved all the managing and the driving and being mistress of the show. Connie was quite content to keep quiet.

康妮很高兴能继续行程。气温陡然升高，所以希尔达取道瑞士，途经勃伦纳山口（注：阿尔卑斯山的主要山口之一，连接意大利与奥地利），跨越多罗米山脉，来到威尼斯。希尔达负责驾驶的同时，还热衷于打理一切，事必躬亲。而康妮则满足于清闲自在。

And the trip was really quite nice. Only Connie kept saying to herself: Why don't I really care! Why am I never really thrilled? How awful, that I don't really care about the landscape any more! But I don't. It's rather awful. I'm like Saint Bernard, who could sail down the lake of Lucerne without ever noticing that there were even mountain and green water. I just don't care for landscape any more. Why should one stare at it? Why should one? I refuse to.

旅途确实令人心旷神怡。只不过，康妮不断自问：为何我始终提不起兴趣！为何我体验不到丝毫兴奋？实在糟糕，就连沿途的美景都无法让我感动！可事实就是如此。这简直太糟糕了。我简直就像圣伯尔纳（注：1090-1153，法国神学家，西多会的创始人），当年他横渡卢塞恩湖，但却连沿途青山绿水都未曾注意到。风光就是无法令我动容。为何非要强迫自己去欣赏呢？为什么？我偏不这样做。

No, she found nothing vital in France or Switzerland or the Tyrol or Italy. She just was carted through it all. And it was all less real than Wragby. Less real than the awful Wragby! She felt she didn't care if she never saw France or Switzerland or Italy again. They'd keep. Wragby was more real.

没错，无论在法国，瑞士，蒂罗尔（注：奥地利西部和意大利北部一地区）或者意大利，她都找寻不到充满生机的景物。自始至终，她都被当做货物般运来运去。所经之地比拉格比更加虚假。连糟糕透顶的拉格比都赶不上！她觉得，即使以后再也不来法国，瑞士或者意大利，也没有关系。这些国度都不过如此。拉格比远比它们真实。