第十章（第3/42页）

“那就好！”他说。“那才是问题的关键！那样的话，我半点都不会介意。如果家里有个小家伙在家里跑来跑去，知道有人能赋予他光明的未来，那真是再好不过。那时候，我就会拥有为之奋斗的目标，我知道那是你的孩子，不是吗，亲爱的？你生的孩子我会视如己出。因为涉及到此类事情，你才是至关重要的。你懂我的意思，是吗，亲爱的？我不会干涉，因为我无足轻重。你是唯一的重心！就生活本身而言。你理解我的说法，是吗？我是说，我就持这样的观点。我是说，对你而言，我毫无意义。我为你而活，为你的未来而活。至于我自己，根本无关紧要。”听完这席话，康妮感到愈发沮丧，对他的厌恶又添几分。这些不过是荼毒生命的可耻鬼话。他这般理智的男人，怎么能对妻子说这样的话呢！可男人总是不按道理出牌。但凡有点尊严的男人，怎么能将生活的重担全压在妻子肩头，让她孤军奋战呢？更过分的是，仅仅半小时以后，康妮亲耳听到克利福德与博尔顿太太的交谈，他的口吻热络而急切，表现得时而冷漠，时而激情，似乎她已然是半个情妇、半个养母。博尔顿太太小心细致地帮他穿好晚礼服，因为晚上业界的头面人物会到访。

Connie really sometimes felt she would die at this time. She felt she was being crushed to death by weird lies, and by the amazing cruelty of idiocy. Clifford's strange business efficiency in a way over-awed her, and his declaration of private worship put her into a panic. There was nothing between them. She never even touched him nowadays, and he never touched her. He never even took her hand and held it kindly. No, and because they were so utterly out of touch, he tortured her with his declaration of idolatry. It was the cruelty of utter impotence. And she felt her reason would give way, or she would die.

这段时间，康妮觉得有时自己快要活不下去了。那些扭曲的谎言，那些白痴般的残酷举止，都会将她击得粉碎，使她的生命无以为继。克利福德奇诡超凡的商业头脑，让康妮深感震慑，而丈夫口口声声地宣称崇拜自己，更使她觉得惶恐。夫妇情分已经荡然无存。他们再也不会触碰对方的肢体。他甚至再也不会亲昵地握她的手。不，正因为两人间亲密的接触已经不复存在，所以他那番顶礼膜拜的宣言才会令她感到痛苦。那是性无能者的残酷言行。她觉得自己迟早会丧失理智，不然就会性命不保。

She fled as much as possible to the wood. One afternoon, as she sat brooding, watching the water bubbling coldly in John's Well, the keeper had strode up to her.

树林愈发成为她的避难所。某天下午，她坐在约翰井旁，黯然神伤，呆呆看着冰冷的泉水汩汩流出。这时，守林人大步向她走来。

"I got you a key made, my Lady!" he said, saluting, and he offered her the key.

“夫人，我给您配了把钥匙！”他说完，躬身施礼，将钥匙递上。

"Thank you so much!" she said, startled.

“非常感谢！”她说，他冷不防出现让她吃惊非小。

"The hut's not very tidy, if you don't mind," he said. "I cleared it what I could." "But I didn't want you to trouble!" she said. "Oh, it wasn't any trouble. I am setting the hens in about a week. But they won't be scared of you. I s'll have to see to them morning and night, but I shan't bother you any more than I can help.” "But you wouldn't bother me," she pleaded. "I'd rather not go to the hut at all, if I am going to be in the way.” He looked at her with his keen blue eyes. He seemed kindly, but distant. But at least he was sane, and wholesome, if even he looked thin and ill. A cough troubled him.