第十章（第2/42页）

But this astute and practical man was almost an idiot when left alone to his own emotional life. He worshipped Connie. She was his wife, a higher being, and he worshipped her with a queer, craven idolatry, like a savage, a worship based on enormous fear, and even hate of the power of the idol, the dread idol. All he wanted was for Connie to swear, to swear not to leave him, not to give him away.

但这位精明强干的实业家，一旦退回到自己的感情生活，就会变得和白痴无异。他崇拜着康妮。她不但是他的妻子，而且是高不可攀的存在，他则像个未开化的野蛮人，畏畏缩缩地迷恋着她，景仰着她。这种景仰源于莫可名状的巨大恐惧，甚至是对被崇拜对象的仇恨，因为这位可怖的偶像拥有无法估计的力量。他唯一的要求是，康妮要发誓对他不离不弃。

"Clifford," she said to him—but this was after she had the key to the hut—” Would you really like me to have a child one day?” He looked at her with a furtive apprehension in his rather prominent pale eyes.

“克利福德，”得到林间小屋的钥匙之后，她对他说，“你当真希望我能生个孩子吗？”他暗暗望向她，那对外凸的淡蓝色眼睛中，隐约露出惧色。

"I shouldn't mind, if it made no difference between us," he said.

“如果不会影响你我的关系，那么我不会介意。”他说。

"No difference to what?" she asked.

“不会影响到什么？”她问。

"To you and me; to our love for one another. If it's going to affect that, then I'm all against it. Why, I might even one day have a child of my own!” She looked at him in amazement.

“不会影响你我的关系，我们对彼此的爱情。如果影响到这些，那么我会坚决反对。哦，说不定哪天我也能拥有自己的孩子！”她诧异地看着他。

"I mean, it might come back to me one of these days." She still stared in amazement, and he was uncomfortable.

“我的意思是，没准哪天我能够恢复生育能力。”她仍旧惊异地盯着他，弄得他窘迫起来。

"So you would not like it if I had a child?" she said.

“那么说，你不愿意我怀别人的孩子？”她问。

"I tell you," he replied quickly, like a cornered dog, "I am quite willing, provided it doesn't touch your love for me. If it would touch that, I am dead against it.” Connie could only be silent in cold fear and contempt. Such talk was really the gabbling of an idiot. He no longer knew what he was talking about.

“我说过，”他连忙回答，像只无路可退的野狗，“如果那样做不会影响你对我的爱，我举双手赞成。反之，我会反对到底。”康妮无言以对，冷冷的不安与轻蔑的情绪交杂在一起。这席话无异于白痴的梦呓。他不再知道自己在说些什么。

"Oh, it wouldn't make any difference to my feeling for you," she said, with a certain sarcasm.

“哦，那不会影响我对你的感情。”她说，略带讽刺的口吻。

"There!" he said. "That is the point! In that case I don't mind in the least. I mean it would be awfully nice to have a child running about the house, and feel one was building up a future for it. I should have something to strive for then, and I should know it was your child, shouldn't I, dear? And it would seem just the same as my own. Because it is you who count in these matters. You know that, don't you, dear? I don't enter, I am a cypher. You are the great I—am! As far as life goes. You know that, don't you? I mean, as far as I am concerned. I mean, but for you I am absolutely nothing. I live for your sake and your future. I am nothing to myself” Connie heard it all with deepening dismay and repulsion. It was one of the ghastly half-truths that poison human existence. What man in his senses would say such things to a woman! But men aren't in their senses. What man with a spark of honour would put this ghastly burden of life-responsibility upon a woman, and leave her there, in the void? Moreover, in half an hour's time, Connie heard Clifford talking to Mrs. Bolton, in a hot, impulsive voice, revealing himself in a sort of passionless passion to the woman, as if she were half mistress, half foster-mother to him. And Mrs. Bolton was carefully dressing him in evening clothes, for there were important business guests in the house.